We gather at the MAFSNZ altar for the very last time, to reflect upon our journey over the past six weeks. As the participants suffer through their final dates, and the vow renewal ceremony confirms all of our biggest fears, we make our final expert assessments of the pairings. Is Ben actually a Chris Lilley character? Why did Haydn get to flee the country? How much is too much to pay for a cursed wedding band?
The reality TV "experts" at The Real Pod's eyes were bulging like the biceps on a genetic pitbull at the explosive MAFSNZ dinner party this week. No one (literally no one) understands who DMed who, which made who tell who what in which toilet – but it made for utterly transfixing TV. Vicky played puppet master to Hayden and Ben, who went at it finger and guns, while Andrew and Aaron watched as the last pretences of normalcy in their relationships were left torn to shreds like a pair of excessively distressed jeans. Jane, Alex and Duncan spend 45 minutes on the therapists couch reliving it all and wondering where this amazing and cursed show heads from here.
This week on The Real Pod, we get stuck into the fifth week on Married at First Sight NZ in all it's grimy glory. What the heck is a surrender date? Is Haydn a good wrestler? And who on Earth did the mystery poo in Andrew's flat? Pop this on and clean up your shower: we promise we won't play the brown note... yet.
This week on The Real Pod, Jane, Duncan and Alex are back together to talk about the horrible honeymoons and the cocktail party to end all cocktail parties on Married at First Sight. It's week three and we've got a lot of questions. Why is Andrew wearing a camo vest and nothing else? Why is Lacey not angry, just disappointed? Is there anywhere Mr Fluffy and Claire haven't done it?
After scrabbling around like a litter of house pigs this week, Jane, Duncan and Alex finally find some time to dissect the glorious debut week of Married at First Sight NZ. How lovable are Brett and Angel? How scary is Vicky's mum and just how horny are Dom and Claire? We attempt to answer these questions and so much more.
There's also the reindeer jumper from hell, an exciting night out with a $10k diamond and a new feature called #lozengewatch that absolutely nobody asked for.
This week on The Real Pod, worlds collide as Lena Dunham gets onboard with The Real Housewives of Auckland, Max Key does a dab on the news and Jane recalls sharing a makeup room with news stalwart Peter Williams. Art and Matilda have got charming new cats with scary human names, and the Johnny Depp lookalike Teal has unsurprisingly proven himself to be one of the best parts of MKRNZ.
There's also a horrifying encounter with a fart on a train, buzz around an upcoming Kiwi Christmas film and a petition to get Colin Mathura-Jeffree to TVNZ for Project Runway NZ 2018. It's The Real Pod, and it's real whether you like it or not.
It's been a tremendous week for The Real Pod team this week, with New Zealand TV news coming in as fast as donations to Ling and Zing's Givealittle page. Jane recounts an extremely tense evening at The Block NZ live auction, everyone gushes over Art and Matilda's engagement announcement – oh, and did we mention we got to hang out with THE MAYOR?!
In other news, the Married at First Sight contestants have been announced including Bel from The Bachelor NZ and many more white people. We introduce a new biscuit segment call Chit Chat chat, roll our eyes heartily at Julia Sloane and Jane updates us all on her Countdown bagless delivery trial. This is the enthralling content you are after, this is... The Real Pod.
The Real Pod team assemble in the board room of dreams to talk reality TV and real life in New Zealand, including a great week for lookalikes and a scary new addition to the KFC menu.
This week Jane Yee, Duncan Greive and Alex Casey delve deep into almost every element of Toni Street's surprise Cobb & Co themed birthday party. Why did Michael Murphy perform? Why was Michael Hosking looking so sad and where has he gone now? Where do you even get Pink Panthers these days?
Beyond that, the team dissect the new celebrity lookalikes in town including United Future's Damian Light, MKRNZ's Teal and the time Jane's Mum thought she saw Johnny Depp on the ferry to Waiheke. Also, Jane picks the winner of The Block NZ, Duncan condemns Jacinda Ardern's taste in music and Alex brings in some more completely unfounded Married at First Sight gossip.
The good news is that The Real Pod team are back to talk some guff about reality TV and real life in New Zealand. The better news is that Mayor Phil Goff is listening (?).
This week on The Real Pod, we continue our hot streak as The Spinoff's most hard-hitting political podcast by doing the macarena a la Paula Bennett on the National bus. We also recap Bill English's second Snapchat takeover and check in with Max Key, who is following a girl into the woods for some reason. In another political poll-quake, Paleo Pete might have actually said something not entirely stupid when he told the world they were pooing wrong.
In other news: do you ever feel like a plastic bag? Jane certainly doesn't, as she continues to bring us all on the tumultuous journey that is her plastic bag free Countdown trial. Duncan recounts being in the crowd for Newshub's leaders' debate, the gang tackle the bullying of the Twins on The Block NZ, and Alex has another McDonald's nightmare. We also prepare for our meeting with Phil Goff, Mayor of Auckland. If that doesn't sound like good podcast content then we don't know what is.